At school, Thanksgiving meant something a little different. Without the weight of television and the occupation that comes with retail store, Thanksgiving as it was celebrated at school felt simpler, more straightforwardly celebratory. Now, I cannot help but second guess the holiday. With the abundance and ornamentation of the holiday abounding in shop windows and grocery store aisles, I think all the more of the pseudo-mythic origins of the holiday.
In some ways, it would make more sense for it to be a simple fertility festival. Instead, it is layered with history that has been obfuscated and forgotten. In one case, it would mean a celebration of family, harvest, and even of hard labor and subsequent satisfaction. In the actual case, it is more complicated, filtered first through the strange policies that legitimized, then the methods to commercialize the holiday. Without a doubt, the day means something very important; it is a day to bring people together, even to heal and reinforce bonds between them with food and shared activities--cooking, football, evening movies, etc.
Simultaneous to that is the reality of a holiday that refers to a myth of cooperation and mutuality. Such a myth not only misleads the historical reality, it conceals the significant history and conflicts that proceeded. It seems like national holidays have that dual reality: celebration and obfuscation. Some people might argue that celebration in this case is just another form of confusion, that it is a thin, shallow veil. I disagree. Usually, time with the family together is enriching and enjoyed, particularly since my family is so far-flung. Nevertheless, by confounding the history for a myth, a dangerous myth, and submitting to regular reinterpretation by organizations which benefit from our ignorance, the myth supplants the reality and breaks whatever honest foundation we might have.
Some may celebrate their national holidays in particular, even dissenting ways. A festival so gastro-centric obviously lends itself to establishing sound food ways and the richness of a meaningful food culture. I obviously love making food from scratch and being in fine company only adds to that pleasure. Thanksgiving food in particular identifies the delights of New World food in this increasingly dislocated gustatory marketplace. The supper table is usually replete with pumpkins and pecans, cranberries and turkey, all of which were unfamiliar fixings to the Europeans. What you get it something distinctly regional, something based on real food from a real place, grown from soil and not assembled in factories. For this, I am thankful.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Reflections: Applications
By applying to a program, a job, a school, I say in a sort of formal but firm way, "Why yes, I do think you should accept me." This is a strange place for me. The jobs that I have had have either involved a deliberate choice to be there because of a personal interest--i.e., my job at Ivanna Cone--or because of personal need--such as my first job at Hy-Vee, a regional supermarket. When I applied for colleges some time ago, I felt the necessity to act differently; in such a case, I was hedging my bets on this or that institution. Wherever I went, the tour guide or someone else with whom I spoke claimed a profound, guttural draw to their school. I never got that pull in my stomach. Instead, I chose my schools loosely, and then decided in a calculated way--balancing cost, scholarships, programs, and size essentially. Presently, I don't even feel like I have much of that to go on.
Graduate programs and their success with students seems to be based on some harmony between the two. A student attends a program or school, expecting the support and cooperation of a particular academic to guide the student's research. Researching graduate school often or ought to mean researching the professors with whom one might work, noticing some of the school's specialities or the course that alumni have taken following their education there. So far, my graduate school research has focused on the programs themselves and I have been attracted to the subject matter and courses, such as Northern Arizona University's Sustainable Communities program. Another session of research and application will come, attending to the work of professors of philosophy and how my inquests do or do not mesh with those. At the moment, such an endeavor is frustratingly nebulous and I can't draw my attention to such a task without pulling it away from completing to some appreciable degree the labor of application to the cadre of programs I already have.
In most of the applications, I am expected to rehash my work and accomplishments, which runs into two difficulties. First, I do not have particular interest in running through a list of accomplishments as such. My work is my own, but it relates to what I have done for a classroom, literature I have read, films and even games I have encountered. With only a title and a date, it is difficult for me to take in much of a meaning for the work I have done. Second, that list isn't expansive. Gustavus generally offers a tiered academic scholarship, so you get one that represents their desire for you to attend, so I do not have many to offer. As for other accomplishments or awards, Gustavus is in many ways insulated from the need to excel in those categories; though it offers plentiful opportunities in its own environment, the application processes and deadlines never made it into my schedule. Instead, I established my own expectations and went for those. I am not one to rely on the praise of others to satisfy my own sense of self.
For these applications, I must suck it up--in one way--and work with what I know. I cannot say that I enjoy lamely accepting the expectations of institutions, I am too hardheaded for that, I suppose. Here I am, though, setting my own deadlines for applications that are generally due next spring. The work of application has provided notable tasks, like forming a resume and a curriculum vitae, neither of which I have done before, at least in any way that matters. To do that, I have collected just about all of the work I have done over the past four or more years in one place--which is actually two places, my computer and my external harddrive. If nothing else, this process has been a worthy challenge, one that demands perspective in unexpected ways. After most of the busywork is over, I plan to return to my paper on xenia which is intended to respond to Appiah's Cosmopolitanism: Ethics in a World of Strangers which we read in the philosophy senior seminar. I also discovered the handful of short pieces I wrote wile in Brazil, which are mostly autobiographical fiction. This has become an exercise in reflection, which I probably need now more than I would have predicted.
Graduate programs and their success with students seems to be based on some harmony between the two. A student attends a program or school, expecting the support and cooperation of a particular academic to guide the student's research. Researching graduate school often or ought to mean researching the professors with whom one might work, noticing some of the school's specialities or the course that alumni have taken following their education there. So far, my graduate school research has focused on the programs themselves and I have been attracted to the subject matter and courses, such as Northern Arizona University's Sustainable Communities program. Another session of research and application will come, attending to the work of professors of philosophy and how my inquests do or do not mesh with those. At the moment, such an endeavor is frustratingly nebulous and I can't draw my attention to such a task without pulling it away from completing to some appreciable degree the labor of application to the cadre of programs I already have.
In most of the applications, I am expected to rehash my work and accomplishments, which runs into two difficulties. First, I do not have particular interest in running through a list of accomplishments as such. My work is my own, but it relates to what I have done for a classroom, literature I have read, films and even games I have encountered. With only a title and a date, it is difficult for me to take in much of a meaning for the work I have done. Second, that list isn't expansive. Gustavus generally offers a tiered academic scholarship, so you get one that represents their desire for you to attend, so I do not have many to offer. As for other accomplishments or awards, Gustavus is in many ways insulated from the need to excel in those categories; though it offers plentiful opportunities in its own environment, the application processes and deadlines never made it into my schedule. Instead, I established my own expectations and went for those. I am not one to rely on the praise of others to satisfy my own sense of self.
For these applications, I must suck it up--in one way--and work with what I know. I cannot say that I enjoy lamely accepting the expectations of institutions, I am too hardheaded for that, I suppose. Here I am, though, setting my own deadlines for applications that are generally due next spring. The work of application has provided notable tasks, like forming a resume and a curriculum vitae, neither of which I have done before, at least in any way that matters. To do that, I have collected just about all of the work I have done over the past four or more years in one place--which is actually two places, my computer and my external harddrive. If nothing else, this process has been a worthy challenge, one that demands perspective in unexpected ways. After most of the busywork is over, I plan to return to my paper on xenia which is intended to respond to Appiah's Cosmopolitanism: Ethics in a World of Strangers which we read in the philosophy senior seminar. I also discovered the handful of short pieces I wrote wile in Brazil, which are mostly autobiographical fiction. This has become an exercise in reflection, which I probably need now more than I would have predicted.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Focaccia, Ciabatta, & Muffins
I am trudging diligently through graduate school applications, and am getting nearly everything completed despite--or in response to--my computer difficulties earlier this week. In the meantime, I have been dabbling with muffins, something I have never done before. Also, I hope to spend some quality time mending my bicycle today. It will be a pretty full day, but a good one. The gray skies have returned, which makes suggests that deadlines are approaching (at least for me). Here are a few recipes to enjoy.
...
Focaccia
Starter - Mix these ingredients together thoroughly and allow to sit for at least an hour.
1 Tbsp dry yeast
1/2 cup white flour
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 c water
Dry ingredients - Blend the following in a large mixing bowl.
2 c white flour
1/2 c polenta (corn grits)
1/2 c whole wheat flour
2 tsp salt
1 tsp rosemary
2 tsp thyme
1 tsp black pepper
Wet ingredients - In a small bowl, stir together:
1/4 c olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced or chopped
2-3 tomatoes or 1 small can of tomatoes (strained)
1/2 c warm water
Will also need:
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 teaspoon coarse sea salt
Mix together the starter and the wet ingredients until pretty even, then add we ingredients to dry and stir until nice a doughy. You may want to add up to 1/2 cup more warm water. Allow to rest for an hour, then turn out on floured counter and knead until smooth. Return dough to bowl and allow to rest for about 45 minutes. Preheat oven to 450 F with baking sheets inside. Test dough, the tomatoes will continue to release their water and will make doughy spots if they remain too wet. Knead further, incorporating just enough flour to allow to handle easily. Divide in two and pat into flat rounds or ovals. Rub loaves with oil on both sides and sprinkle with coarse salt on one side, then set on hot baking sheets, salt side up. Bake 10-20 minutes until golden brown and serve.
...
Ciabatta
Starter - mix these ingredients until even, then allow to sit for 12-24 hours
Note: I made both the starters at the same time and made the ciabatta the following morning.
1 Tbsp yeast
1/2 cup white flour
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 cup water
Dry ingredients - blend together in a large bowl
3 cups white flour
1 teaspoon salt
2-4 Tbsp olive oil
You will also need:
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp white flour or polenta
1/4 - 1/2 cup blue cheese or other to top (optional)
Mix starter with dry ingredients, adding about 1 cup warm water to make a dough, then allow to rest one hour. Turn out onto lightly floured counter and knead until smooth, then let rest about 45 minutes--though the dough should remain slightly sticky and wet to allow for fluffier loaves. Preheat oven to 450 F with baking sheets inside. Break dough into two, kneading each and shaping into long ovals, rub with olive oil and pat with flour; pull out baking sheets and place loaves on them and allow to proof 20-30 minutes. Before placing in oven, indent the top with your fingers and sprinkle cheese over (indent even if you don't add cheese). Allow to bake for 15-25 minutes, allow cheese to cool somewhat before serving.
...
These muffins are hearty with their thick oats and whole wheat flour, sweet but not overly so, and are pretty easy. So far, I have made mini, medium, and large varieties, the large version having the best internal texture. The yogurt is an important ingredient; nonfat makes them too dry, while lowfat works pretty well, but I would love to make them with regular or creamy yogurt. For a different texture, use quick oats or grind them and make a coarse oat flour. Also, these can bake fast or unevenly, so the first or second batch may have some burn spots; the mini muffins bakes in about 12-15 minutes, which I missed and were burnt.
Peanut Butter Oat Muffins
Dry ingredients - mix in a large bowl.
1 c whole wheat flour
1 c thick oats
1/2 Tbsp baking powder
Wet ingredients - combine until even, but not necessarily smooth.
1 c yogurt
3 Tbsp ground flax
1/3 c peanut butter
1/4 c honey
1 Tbsp molasses
Add wet ingredients to try and stir until flour and oats are moistened/incorporated. Spoon muffins into greased muffin tins, bake at 400 F for 13-18 minutes. Serve immediately.
...
Cranberry-Coconut-Walnut Muffins
Dry ingredients - mix 'em up!
1/2 c white flour
1 c whole wheat flour
1/2 c thick oats
1/2 Tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
Wet ingredients - stir it together!
1 c yogurt
1/4 c honey
1/2 c dry cranberries
1/4 c walnut pieces
1/4 c coconut
1/4 c ground flax
a squirt or squeeze of lemon juice
Add wet ingredients to dry and stir until moistened, then bake at 400 F for about 13-18 minutes. Serve immediately!
...
Focaccia
Starter - Mix these ingredients together thoroughly and allow to sit for at least an hour.
1 Tbsp dry yeast
1/2 cup white flour
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 c water
Dry ingredients - Blend the following in a large mixing bowl.
2 c white flour
1/2 c polenta (corn grits)
1/2 c whole wheat flour
2 tsp salt
1 tsp rosemary
2 tsp thyme
1 tsp black pepper
Wet ingredients - In a small bowl, stir together:
1/4 c olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced or chopped
2-3 tomatoes or 1 small can of tomatoes (strained)
1/2 c warm water
Will also need:
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 teaspoon coarse sea salt
Mix together the starter and the wet ingredients until pretty even, then add we ingredients to dry and stir until nice a doughy. You may want to add up to 1/2 cup more warm water. Allow to rest for an hour, then turn out on floured counter and knead until smooth. Return dough to bowl and allow to rest for about 45 minutes. Preheat oven to 450 F with baking sheets inside. Test dough, the tomatoes will continue to release their water and will make doughy spots if they remain too wet. Knead further, incorporating just enough flour to allow to handle easily. Divide in two and pat into flat rounds or ovals. Rub loaves with oil on both sides and sprinkle with coarse salt on one side, then set on hot baking sheets, salt side up. Bake 10-20 minutes until golden brown and serve.
...
Ciabatta
Starter - mix these ingredients until even, then allow to sit for 12-24 hours
Note: I made both the starters at the same time and made the ciabatta the following morning.
1 Tbsp yeast
1/2 cup white flour
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 cup water
Dry ingredients - blend together in a large bowl
3 cups white flour
1 teaspoon salt
2-4 Tbsp olive oil
You will also need:
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp white flour or polenta
1/4 - 1/2 cup blue cheese or other to top (optional)
Mix starter with dry ingredients, adding about 1 cup warm water to make a dough, then allow to rest one hour. Turn out onto lightly floured counter and knead until smooth, then let rest about 45 minutes--though the dough should remain slightly sticky and wet to allow for fluffier loaves. Preheat oven to 450 F with baking sheets inside. Break dough into two, kneading each and shaping into long ovals, rub with olive oil and pat with flour; pull out baking sheets and place loaves on them and allow to proof 20-30 minutes. Before placing in oven, indent the top with your fingers and sprinkle cheese over (indent even if you don't add cheese). Allow to bake for 15-25 minutes, allow cheese to cool somewhat before serving.
...
These muffins are hearty with their thick oats and whole wheat flour, sweet but not overly so, and are pretty easy. So far, I have made mini, medium, and large varieties, the large version having the best internal texture. The yogurt is an important ingredient; nonfat makes them too dry, while lowfat works pretty well, but I would love to make them with regular or creamy yogurt. For a different texture, use quick oats or grind them and make a coarse oat flour. Also, these can bake fast or unevenly, so the first or second batch may have some burn spots; the mini muffins bakes in about 12-15 minutes, which I missed and were burnt.
Peanut Butter Oat Muffins
Dry ingredients - mix in a large bowl.
1 c whole wheat flour
1 c thick oats
1/2 Tbsp baking powder
Wet ingredients - combine until even, but not necessarily smooth.
1 c yogurt
3 Tbsp ground flax
1/3 c peanut butter
1/4 c honey
1 Tbsp molasses
Add wet ingredients to try and stir until flour and oats are moistened/incorporated. Spoon muffins into greased muffin tins, bake at 400 F for 13-18 minutes. Serve immediately.
...
Cranberry-Coconut-Walnut Muffins
Dry ingredients - mix 'em up!
1/2 c white flour
1 c whole wheat flour
1/2 c thick oats
1/2 Tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
Wet ingredients - stir it together!
1 c yogurt
1/4 c honey
1/2 c dry cranberries
1/4 c walnut pieces
1/4 c coconut
1/4 c ground flax
a squirt or squeeze of lemon juice
Add wet ingredients to dry and stir until moistened, then bake at 400 F for about 13-18 minutes. Serve immediately!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Twenty-Four Hours & a Headache Later
For those who don't know, Linux is an open-source operating system, available to all, with a vast community of contributors, fans, programmers, and users. This past summer, I chose to purchase a Linux-ready machine from System76, a company that builds computers specifically for open-source programs. What does open-source mean? Well, it means that all the little whatsits and widgets in a given product--usually a piece of software--are available to users to work with free of charge (though some open source software is not free to use, most often it is). Linux and similar open-source projects provide some measure of competitive counterweight to the proprietary operating systems and programs of Microsoft and Apple; and, with the recent release of Windows 7, they need it.
Generally speaking, most popular Linux distributions are just as if not more reliable than, at the very least, whatever Microsoft operating system you are using. I currently use the new distribution of Ubuntu kernel 9.10. Adapting, using, and understanding Ubuntu has been an interesting and satisfying challenge, as I sort of just dove into it. I was tired of running Windows and running in to bugs and viruses and shutdowns. And, up until yesterday, I happily chugged along without a hitch. However, in my attempt to dabble, I overshot my reach and ran into trouble. As a result, I lost some photos and some documents--most of such work is backed up elsewhere--and had to reload the new kernel. I may not be out of the ditch of trouble, but I would rather get some work done while I know I can and back it up (thank you GoogleDocs).
What I am getting at is that I have had a frustrating last twenty-four hours, but the problem exploded when I made unwise choices concerning the system administration tools. Then again, I have been forced to reorient my graduate school application method and feel that--like starting a book over again--I am doing so with more clarity and precision. This is not all good and happy, as it has taken far longer than I would have even expected had I known in advance, but I am trying very hard to take it all in stride. A story in Zen Shorts narrated by my favorite panda, Stillwater, tells of a farmer who experiences both curses (i.e. his son breaks his leg) and subsequent blessings (the broken leg means he does not have to go to war).
We experiment all the time, even when we don't fiddle with things we don't quite understand--as in the situation at hand. Our experiments involve our bodies, our friends, our families, our jobs, our homes, and our world; our experiments are everywhere and all the time. If one relied on complete knowledge to accomplish tasks, very little would get done; we are fated to act with only incomplete data. Such a fate, though, is not to be misunderstood itself; that is, if given the possibility of having complete data all the time, would you accept it? Such a situation suggests, at least to me, that only a select few courses of action would be viable and we would lose both the ability to experience and learn as well as the virtues of overcoming our selves. I suppose our experiments, wherever they take place, incorporate at least one factor: ourselves. This factor is the one we can know most deeply, but often blind ourselves to. Taking difficulties in stride, examining them mindfully, and respecting the choices that follow mean we can use our absence of knowledge, put it to these tests, and examine it as if it were under a microscope. I hope that I have learned something from my headache.
...
I made focaccia yesterday and blue cheese ciabatta today. I might have time to post recipes after lunch and some reading. This afternoon, I am attending a lecture of a family friend.
...
Another note, what qualities do you look for in a notable film? I commented yesterday that I prefer The Orphanage to Pan's Labyrinth because, though they share many, many qualities, I feel that the potential for innocence and earnest mystery is stronger in The Orphanage than in Pan's Labyrinth, even if the latter uses more imagery than the former. What do you think?
Generally speaking, most popular Linux distributions are just as if not more reliable than, at the very least, whatever Microsoft operating system you are using. I currently use the new distribution of Ubuntu kernel 9.10. Adapting, using, and understanding Ubuntu has been an interesting and satisfying challenge, as I sort of just dove into it. I was tired of running Windows and running in to bugs and viruses and shutdowns. And, up until yesterday, I happily chugged along without a hitch. However, in my attempt to dabble, I overshot my reach and ran into trouble. As a result, I lost some photos and some documents--most of such work is backed up elsewhere--and had to reload the new kernel. I may not be out of the ditch of trouble, but I would rather get some work done while I know I can and back it up (thank you GoogleDocs).
What I am getting at is that I have had a frustrating last twenty-four hours, but the problem exploded when I made unwise choices concerning the system administration tools. Then again, I have been forced to reorient my graduate school application method and feel that--like starting a book over again--I am doing so with more clarity and precision. This is not all good and happy, as it has taken far longer than I would have even expected had I known in advance, but I am trying very hard to take it all in stride. A story in Zen Shorts narrated by my favorite panda, Stillwater, tells of a farmer who experiences both curses (i.e. his son breaks his leg) and subsequent blessings (the broken leg means he does not have to go to war).
We experiment all the time, even when we don't fiddle with things we don't quite understand--as in the situation at hand. Our experiments involve our bodies, our friends, our families, our jobs, our homes, and our world; our experiments are everywhere and all the time. If one relied on complete knowledge to accomplish tasks, very little would get done; we are fated to act with only incomplete data. Such a fate, though, is not to be misunderstood itself; that is, if given the possibility of having complete data all the time, would you accept it? Such a situation suggests, at least to me, that only a select few courses of action would be viable and we would lose both the ability to experience and learn as well as the virtues of overcoming our selves. I suppose our experiments, wherever they take place, incorporate at least one factor: ourselves. This factor is the one we can know most deeply, but often blind ourselves to. Taking difficulties in stride, examining them mindfully, and respecting the choices that follow mean we can use our absence of knowledge, put it to these tests, and examine it as if it were under a microscope. I hope that I have learned something from my headache.
...
I made focaccia yesterday and blue cheese ciabatta today. I might have time to post recipes after lunch and some reading. This afternoon, I am attending a lecture of a family friend.
...
Another note, what qualities do you look for in a notable film? I commented yesterday that I prefer The Orphanage to Pan's Labyrinth because, though they share many, many qualities, I feel that the potential for innocence and earnest mystery is stronger in The Orphanage than in Pan's Labyrinth, even if the latter uses more imagery than the former. What do you think?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Feeling for the Wake
Most of my thought-space has been occupied by applications for, procrastination of, and worries about graduate schools. As those of you who listened to me this past academic year, particularly in the spring, a good part of me is increasingly invested in breaking out and starting a bakery, where I might put some community and environmental ethical experiments into play or practice (they both feel appropriate). Unfortunately, or perhaps it is for the better, I was unable to find housing away from home and such a venture requires new, fertile ground on which to grow. Now, I am finding my roots and leaves reaching further and further away from my present locale, though I adore the time I get to spend with my mother, and my time on the aforementioned tasks is subtly painful. The plan as it stands is to go to graduate school, write and work some amazingly brilliant academic tomfoolery, then look a bit more thoroughly about me and open up a bakery for a few year. Such is the aim, one I wouldn't mind starting now if my situation were more appropriate.
For the moment, my energy waxes and wanes as I explore programs, scholarships, and the potential destinations that may lie ahead. I seem to have found myself in one of those parts of the story that gets glossed over in the film version or sticks around a little too long in the book. What I need to do right now is put my life, accomplishments, and aims into a short, concise, and encouraging narrative that conveniently fills a handful of text boxes and uploaded documents. Meanwhile, I bake pumpkin cakes and can pear preserves and refine a seedy bread recipe, much to the excitement and kind words of friends like Miss Kalisa and Miss Adrienne, and therein finding the calm, reflective, sociable joy that I presently have difficulty embracing. A small tug-of-war goes on, one side pulling me toward the future, the other dragging me to the present--odd as it may sound, I don't feel encumbered by the past. Neither side feels inexorable nor dull, it is only that each prevents me from the accomplishments of the other. What I want is one, or the other, or both; but I feel a bit like I get none of the above--which the GRE study books tell you is an unlikely answer.
I missed much of the lovely, uncommonly warm and sunny autumn day because I was determined to work on applications. I would happily work on them outside, if it weren't for screen glare, and happily meander about on a walk or bike downtown to find fine company or even dig a bit in the yard before the real cold gets settled in; but it was almost gone before I knew it. With the time change, the sun sets early enough to knock me off my feet. Had I had my way, I would have probably fallen asleep by 8:30 yesterday evening, with the sun vanished hours ago. Although, I may toss this off as fading vestiges of that particular kind of loneliness that sets in with missed (or nonexistent) opportunities of shared blankets, warm drinks, evening movies, and bundled up strolls. If so, I might enjoy the coming cold just as a change of heart, a change that locks me up inside with plenty of writing and reading to accomplish--such transition is pretty familiar and might be helpful this time around.
The day has closed in a positively wonderful way. I continue to work on canning, this time a far greater success than the previous attempt, and with the excitable company of Miss Adrienne, it felt new and... vigorous or vitalizing or rejuvenating in some way. With Kalisa's further company, we fawned over foodstuffs and chatted this way and that, eventually reading Jo Ann Beard's The Fourth State of Matter aloud on the deck. Now, with a rough resume (which I prefer spelled with accents) in digital hand, more than a little work accomplished with the applications, and a warm fire at my side, the day seems recovered in spite of my own shortcomings.
I began writing this consider the idea of "the wake," where other travelers leave their disturbances behind them, but provide an easier route for those behind. The wake caused by boats also disrupts the surroundings and can be trouble in urban waterways. The wake has a dual reality: the reality of the traveler or pathfinder identifying and responding to the behavior of others, & the reality of the traveler's disruption and difficulty for those around her/him/hir. I had planned to lead into something insightful about this dual reality, but now the synthesis of my own writing and this characterization fades. I do not know if I am following and enjoying wisdom of others, the watcher from the coast observing and feeling the perturbations, or one who is making the wake behind me and simultaneously confounding and enlightening those behind or around. It is a strange lost-ness to feel such. For now though, perhaps my own ignorance may serve as a blessing, for I certainly feel blessed this fine evening in this fine house.
For the moment, my energy waxes and wanes as I explore programs, scholarships, and the potential destinations that may lie ahead. I seem to have found myself in one of those parts of the story that gets glossed over in the film version or sticks around a little too long in the book. What I need to do right now is put my life, accomplishments, and aims into a short, concise, and encouraging narrative that conveniently fills a handful of text boxes and uploaded documents. Meanwhile, I bake pumpkin cakes and can pear preserves and refine a seedy bread recipe, much to the excitement and kind words of friends like Miss Kalisa and Miss Adrienne, and therein finding the calm, reflective, sociable joy that I presently have difficulty embracing. A small tug-of-war goes on, one side pulling me toward the future, the other dragging me to the present--odd as it may sound, I don't feel encumbered by the past. Neither side feels inexorable nor dull, it is only that each prevents me from the accomplishments of the other. What I want is one, or the other, or both; but I feel a bit like I get none of the above--which the GRE study books tell you is an unlikely answer.
I missed much of the lovely, uncommonly warm and sunny autumn day because I was determined to work on applications. I would happily work on them outside, if it weren't for screen glare, and happily meander about on a walk or bike downtown to find fine company or even dig a bit in the yard before the real cold gets settled in; but it was almost gone before I knew it. With the time change, the sun sets early enough to knock me off my feet. Had I had my way, I would have probably fallen asleep by 8:30 yesterday evening, with the sun vanished hours ago. Although, I may toss this off as fading vestiges of that particular kind of loneliness that sets in with missed (or nonexistent) opportunities of shared blankets, warm drinks, evening movies, and bundled up strolls. If so, I might enjoy the coming cold just as a change of heart, a change that locks me up inside with plenty of writing and reading to accomplish--such transition is pretty familiar and might be helpful this time around.
The day has closed in a positively wonderful way. I continue to work on canning, this time a far greater success than the previous attempt, and with the excitable company of Miss Adrienne, it felt new and... vigorous or vitalizing or rejuvenating in some way. With Kalisa's further company, we fawned over foodstuffs and chatted this way and that, eventually reading Jo Ann Beard's The Fourth State of Matter aloud on the deck. Now, with a rough resume (which I prefer spelled with accents) in digital hand, more than a little work accomplished with the applications, and a warm fire at my side, the day seems recovered in spite of my own shortcomings.
I began writing this consider the idea of "the wake," where other travelers leave their disturbances behind them, but provide an easier route for those behind. The wake caused by boats also disrupts the surroundings and can be trouble in urban waterways. The wake has a dual reality: the reality of the traveler or pathfinder identifying and responding to the behavior of others, & the reality of the traveler's disruption and difficulty for those around her/him/hir. I had planned to lead into something insightful about this dual reality, but now the synthesis of my own writing and this characterization fades. I do not know if I am following and enjoying wisdom of others, the watcher from the coast observing and feeling the perturbations, or one who is making the wake behind me and simultaneously confounding and enlightening those behind or around. It is a strange lost-ness to feel such. For now though, perhaps my own ignorance may serve as a blessing, for I certainly feel blessed this fine evening in this fine house.
Pumpkin & Pears
I have been canning pears and baking with pumpkin. In the wake of Hallowe'en, I have had two pumpkin or related squash to bake and keep (refrigerated or frozen) for baking. Yesterday, I made these:
Pumpkin Cake (or bars)
4 eggs
1 & 2/3 cups brown sugar (or white, or a blend, but I will use all brown next time)
1 cup vegetable oil
1 pound creamed pumpkin
Mix until smooth and bubbly in an electric mixer.
2 cups all purpose flour, scant or sifted
1/2 c thick oats
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground clove
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
Combine and blend dry ingredients, then gradually sprinkle over pumpkin mixture and blend. When beaten thoroughly, pour into 9x13 baking pan (greased) and bake for 30 minutes.
Cream Cheese Frosting
8 oz softened cream cheese
1/2 cup butter
Blend together until even with an electric mixer.
2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
Add to cream cheese and butter, then mix until even. Spread when cake is cooled completely.
* Taken mostly from a magazine recipe card without identifying features. That recipe uses 15 oz of pumpkin (a can), all white sugar, and lacks nutmeg, clove, and oats.
...
I am still trying to figure out canning fruit. I want to make fruit spread (just fruit, maybe some fruit juice or pectin, but little or no sugar), but my preserves are too wet or have too little pectin. Such work takes some expertise that I wish to obtain.
Soon--later today--I will write some film reviews and some other comments. I know that I have not been writing in here the way I would have hoped to do. Mostly, my mind meanders about the duty of filling out graduate school applications. More later.
Pumpkin Cake (or bars)
4 eggs
1 & 2/3 cups brown sugar (or white, or a blend, but I will use all brown next time)
1 cup vegetable oil
1 pound creamed pumpkin
Mix until smooth and bubbly in an electric mixer.
2 cups all purpose flour, scant or sifted
1/2 c thick oats
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground clove
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
Combine and blend dry ingredients, then gradually sprinkle over pumpkin mixture and blend. When beaten thoroughly, pour into 9x13 baking pan (greased) and bake for 30 minutes.
Cream Cheese Frosting
8 oz softened cream cheese
1/2 cup butter
Blend together until even with an electric mixer.
2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
Add to cream cheese and butter, then mix until even. Spread when cake is cooled completely.
* Taken mostly from a magazine recipe card without identifying features. That recipe uses 15 oz of pumpkin (a can), all white sugar, and lacks nutmeg, clove, and oats.
...
I am still trying to figure out canning fruit. I want to make fruit spread (just fruit, maybe some fruit juice or pectin, but little or no sugar), but my preserves are too wet or have too little pectin. Such work takes some expertise that I wish to obtain.
Soon--later today--I will write some film reviews and some other comments. I know that I have not been writing in here the way I would have hoped to do. Mostly, my mind meanders about the duty of filling out graduate school applications. More later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
