Ducks in a Row

I am trying to find work. To do so, there seem to be more and more tools to help, but I am unsure about how I feel about the tools. Having been steered to LinkedIn, a business-friendly social networking service, I have been looking up and bugging old employers, colleagues, and acquaintances. All it all, it feels very much like my least favorite characteristics of the Facebook. That is, it feels like a lot of sneaking up on people, tapping them on the shoulder, engaging in small talk, then wandering off.

Why is that? Well, we encounter more people in our lives now than in any previous generation. We travel for leisure, for work, for school, for friends. We engage in various school communities (elementary, middle/junior, senior high, college, graduate school, etc.--not to mention moving from place to place or changing schools). We also hold various jobs where we make similar acquaintances and, from time to time, joyous friendships. I recall my summer counseling at Duke fondly, I can even recall the summer I spent there as a student in high school; each episode marked by the various friend circles, youthful politicking, and wisdom-gleaning moments. In some ways, I prefer to leave memories as memories. Often, I might show up in the neighborhood of a friend I have not seen in years and try to arrange a rendez-vous of some sort; or, as in the case with my classmates in Brazil, look forward to long weekends couch surfing when, every few years, scheduling allows. When it comes to networking for the sake of networking, well, it feels rather shallow.

Of course, I say that now, with a heavy feeling. Hopefully, this can lead me to some form of work, some job or career path, or maybe toward a particular focus when I return to academia. (I have made mention of grad school to friends and family, but that was and will remain a backup until it is something I know I ought to return to. It is one of those things I will come to do, will have done later on, and will serve me. For now, though, I have a compulsion for serious, sincere, meaningful work and that means postponing grad school until it feels more appropriate.) This weight is some sort of preemptive appreciation, some acknowledgement of things that I trust will come to pass but have not yet done so. The time and guidance and kind words given to me are one thing, but they are neither fruits nor seeds; they are more like fertilizer and gardening tools: They must be put to work and succeed at those projects before I can understand them fully.

Presently, all I seem to be able to do is put my tools to work, and aspire that despite my inexperience, I will see sprouts and hearty trunks and green leaves and, eventually, fruit. I am not used to working with so much hope, or at least not acknowledging it. Last night, I spoke with Miss Miriam Cummings about skills and our proficiency with them. I was never a good visual artist, though as a child I often tried; if I had had the determination, I would today be an average to okay visual artist. Miriam, similarly, can play the piano and has learned to sight-read, but is not a proficient player. (I have not heard her once, this is of her own account, and I imagine that Miriam is prone to humility.) Most people have one or two things that she or he is very good at, a handful of things that are more difficult, and the rest is somewhere in between. I suppose, I am learning to explore those average skills and foster greater dexterity with them, and trusting I will not stumble upon the cache of unknown frustrations like visual artistry. So much hope, so much trust; but for now, I am practicing determination, even against my own skeptical hindrances.