A Monster in the Wings

I have done something awful. I fear that I may have created a monster. Like most monsters, it was the result of the combination of seemingly benign entities. Together their, their simultaneous benignity neutralizing one another, a creature was born distinct from either source.

The two entities: my mother and the iPad.

Now, you may scoff and even scold, but hear me out. I have had some excitement about the iPad and I care deeply for my mother and the introduction of the former to the latter, it was all intended in good fun. She was looking at netbooks, perhaps a notebook replacement, and I decided to show her the stylish, simple, enjoyable video on the iPad (available here). Though I liked the idea of having one around the house and to use to read my .rss feeds in particular, and I thought that she would be impressed but not really consider it as a purchase--in part because it does not provide an easy method to review and annotate student papers.

Yesterday, though, after seeing a TV spot on the iPad and having spoken with a local tech company building apps for the iPad, she has settled into seriously wanting one. We have joked about how long we can use our broken clothes washer and dryer, perhaps drying our clothes in the backyard (which I really enjoy) to have the money. Now she is wondering about finding partial funds at the University to help pay for it. She wants one, and she will figure out a way to get one.

All in all, that isn't a bad thing and though potentially conniving, it is not at all monstrous. What I fear is happening, is the combination of my mother with my own half-baked expectations for Apple in the years to come. Here is a joke that I know existed before me, but I picked up and don't really doubt to come to pass: The iPatch.



With Apples knack for making technology that fits nicely into the palm of your hand, it is also a sort of panache for making technology human. Whether it is the wild success of the iPod, the touch-based controls of the iTouch and iPhone, or the newspaper/dead-tree book feel of the iPad, Apple has made technology that simply inundates our lives with profound speed and--increasingly--with subtlety. I had not expected to find Apple to be just as good as they are at making new technology intuitive and accessible. The iPad may be the first light-weight, touch-sensitive, highly readable, intuitively controlled tablet, but it won't be the last. When the other companies have caught up, Apple will have to put in its next bid for a powerfully personal technology.

So, I think that will legitimately be something like the iPatch. Why do I think that? Well, with the onset of Bluetooth earpieces/headsets, the people of the world began to look increasingly like the soldiers in the original Deus Ex game (pictured below, I wanted a better one, but couldn't easily find it). These soldiers in the "United Nations Anti-Terrorist Coalition" take on mechanical augmentation to better serve their country and the security of the world with superior physical abilities. I doubt much surgical implantation will occur in the next five years, but seeing semi-permanent, highly functional technological devices on the savvy traveler and at geeky conferences, that will happen.



Why the iPatch? With a semi-transparent, paper-thin display screen over one eye, one can receive extraordinarily clear, customized, and infinitely personal imagery. Mix in a bluetooth headset and either a hip-holstered touchpad or motion sensitive glove, you can have a disconnected by highly utilizable communication device. Most consumers will stick with something closer to the iPad to connect to the internet most of the time, but sooner or later that will just feel like too much of a hassle when you could avoid holding anything at all. Think of the catchphrase, "Free Hands. Free Mind. iPatch."

I have made a tech-hungry monster out of my mother. She is willing to finagle funds from her job, postpone significant home improvement updates, and suggested obsolescence in her current computing tools in the quest for what has not even been released yet. With a new, biting passion for the latest tech-toy, she might ride the momentum for each new utility. I have created a monster and her name will soon by cyber-mom.

~~~

This was, obviously, intended to be snarky and funny, but I don't really know how to end that sort of joke. I hope it was enjoyable, but I acknowledge its lackluster conclusion.